When love wears thin it lets in the emotional weather

I am in a beautiful relationship right now; everything is going so harmoniously between us.

Love is always beautiful in the beginning because you don’t bring your destructive energies into it. In the beginning you bring your positive energies into it — both pool their energies positively, the thing goes simply fantastically. But then by and by the negative energies will start overflowing; you cannot hold them back forever. And once you have finished with your positive energy, which is very small...and the negative is very big. The positive is just a small quantity, so within days the honeymoon is over and then comes the negative. Then hell opens its doors and one cannot understand what has happened — such a beautiful relationship, why is it on the rocks?

If one is alert from the very beginning, it can be saved. So pour your positive energies into it, but remember that sooner or later the negative will start coming in. When the negative starts coming in you have to release the negative alone. Go into a room, release the negative; there is no need to throw it on the other person.

If you want to scream and shout and be angry, go into a room, shout, be angry, beat the pillow. Because nobody should be so violent as to throw things on other people. They have not done anything wrong to you, so why should you throw things on them? It is better to throw all that is negative into the dustbin.

If you remain alert, you will be surprised to see that it can be done; and once the negative is released, again the positive is overflowing.

The negative can be released together only very late in a relationship — when the relationship has become very established — and then too it should be done as a therapeutic measure. When the two partners of a relationship have become very very alert, very positive, have become consolidated as one being and are able now to tolerate — and not only tolerate but use the other’s negativity — they have to come to an agreement that now they will be negative together also, as a therapeutic measure.

Then too my suggestion is to let it be very conscious, not unconscious; let it be very deliberate. Make it point that every night for one hour you will be negative with each other — let it be a game — rather than being negative anywhere, any time. Because people are not so alert — for twenty-four hours they are not alert — but for one hour you can both sit together and be negative. And then it will be a game, it will be like a group. After one hour you are finished with it and you don’t carry the hangover, you don’t bring it into your relationship.

The first step: the negative should be released alone. The second step: the negative should be released at a particular time with the agreement that you are both going to release the negative. At the third stage only should one become natural, and then there is no need to be afraid. Then you can be negative and positive and both are beautiful — but only at the third stage.

If in the first stage you start feeling that now anger comes no more — you sit before the pillow, anger does not come. It will come for months, but one day you will find that it is no more flowing, it has become meaningless, you cannot be angry alone. Then the first stage is over. But wait for the other person also to feel whether his first stage is over or not. If his is also over, the second stage starts. Then for one or two hours — whether morning or evening, you can decide — you become negative, deliberately. It is a psychodrama, it is very impersonal.

You don’t hit hard — you hit, but still you don’t hit the person. In fact you are simply throwing out your negativity. You are not accusing the other, you are not saying ‘You are bad’; you are simply saying ‘I am feeling that you are bad.’ You are not saying ‘You insulted me,’ you say ‘I feel insulted’ That is totally different, it is a deliberate game ‘I am feeling insulted, so I will throw out my anger. You are closest to me so please function as an excuse for me’...and the same is done by the other.

A moment will come when again you will find that this deliberate negativity does not function any more. You sit for one hour: nothing comes to you, nothing comes to him. Then that second stage is over.

Now the third stage — and the third stage is the whole of life. Now you are ready to be negative and positive; you can be spontaneous.

This is how love becomes a marriage.

Osho, For Madmen Only

Anger Is a Small Thing

How can I be aware during strong emotions? My anger feels like thousands of wild horses are running away with me!

Anger is a very small thing. If you can just wait and watch, you will not find “thousands of wild horses.” If you can find even a small donkey, that will be enough! Just watch it and it will go, slowly. It will enter from this side and will go out from the other side. You just have to keep a little patience not to ride on it.

Anger, jealousy, envy, greed, competitiveness...all our problems are very small, but our ego magnifies them, makes them as big as it can.

The ego cannot do otherwise; its anger has also to be great. By its great anger, and great misery, and great greed, and great ambition it becomes great.

But you are not the ego, you are only a watcher. Just stand by the side and let all the thousands of horses pass — let us see how long it takes for them to pass. There is no need to be worried. As they come — they are wild — they will go. But we don’t miss even a small donkey; we immediately jump on it! You don’t need thousands of wild horses. Just a small thing, and you are full of anger and fire. You will laugh about it later on, at how stupid you were.

If you can watch, without getting involved, as if it is something on the screen of a movie house or of a TV screen...something is passing; watch it. You are not supposed to do anything to prevent it, to repress it, to destroy it, to pull out a sword and kill it, because from where will you get the sword? — from the same source as the anger is coming. It is all imagination.

Just watch, and don’t do anything — for or against.

And you will be surprised: that which was looking very big, becomes very small. But our habit is to exaggerate.

A small boy comes home running, and tells his mother — he is not more than three years old — “Mum, a great lion, roaring loudly, was running after me for miles! But somehow I managed to escape. Many times he came very close. He was just about to attack me when I started running faster.”

The mother looked at the boy and said, “Tommy, I have told you a million times not to exaggerate! How can you find a lion in the city...and you have been running for miles? And where is the lion?”

The boy looked outside the door. He said, “He is standing there. But, to tell you the truth, it is just a small dog — very small! But when it was running after me, it appeared.... You tell me not to exaggerate, and right now you have been exaggerating that you have told me millions of times.”

Our minds are very exaggerating. You have small problems, and if you can stop exaggerating and just see, then by the door a poor small dog is standing. And there is no need to run miles; your life is not in danger.

When anger comes to you, it is not going to kill you. It has been with you many times before, and you have survived perfectly well. It is the same anger that you have been through before. Just do one thing new — which you have never done; every time you get involved with it, fighting. This time just watch, as if it does not belong to you, as if it is somebody else’s anger. And you are in for a great surprise: it will disappear within seconds.

And when anger disappears without any struggle, it leaves behind it a tremendously beautiful and silent and loving state.

The same energy that could have become a fight with the anger is left within you. Pure energy is delight — I am quoting William Blake: “Energy is delight” — just energy, without any name, without any adjective.... But you never allow energy to be pure. Either it is anger, or hate, or love, or greed, or desire. It is always involved in something; you never allow it in its purity.

Every time anything arises in you, is a great chance to experience pure energy. Just watch, and the donkey will go. It may raise a little dust, but that dust also settles on its own; you don’t have to settle it. You simply wait. Don’t move from waiting and watching, and soon you will find yourself surrounded by a pure energy that has not been used in fighting, in repressing, or in being angry.

And energy is certainly delight. Once you know the secret of delight, you will enjoy every emotion; and every emotion arising in you is a great opportunity.

Just watch, and bring a shower of delight on your being. Slowly, slowly all these emotions will disappear; they will not come any more — they don’t come uninvited. Watchfulness, or alertness, or awareness, or consciousness, are all different names of the same phenomenon: witnessing. That is the key word.

Osho, The Invitation

The greatest calamity that can happen to a man 

is that he becomes too serious and too practical. 

A little bit craziness, a little bit eccentricity, is all for the good.

Osho

When nothing is for sure we remain alert, perennially on our toes. It is more exciting not to know which bush the rabbit is hiding behind than to behave as though we knew everything.

-From Journey to Ixtlan

Personal power

Everything we do, everything we are, rests on our personal power. If we have enough of it, one word is enough to change the course of our lives. If we don't, the most magnificent piece of wisdom can be revealed to us and that revelation won't make a damn bit of difference.

Do you know that at this very moment you are surrounded by eternity? And do you know you can use that eternity, if you so desire? Do you know that you can extend yourself forever in any direction and use it to take the totality of yourself forever in any direction? Do you know that one moment can be eternity?  If you had enough personal power, my words alone would serve as a means to round up the totality of yourself and get to the crucial part of it  out of the boundaries in which it is contained.

-From Tales of Power

Each day brings its own problems, its own challenges and each moment brings its own questions. And if you have ready-made answers in your head you will not be able even to listen to the question. You will be so full of your answer, you will be incapable of listening. You will not be available.

Osho

I 'put a fullstop' as soon as I see myself complaining and blaming. These two habits destroy my inner power completely, because they show I am still expecting solutions and changes from others.

It is good to be curious because that is how one starts the journey of inquiry into existence; but if one simply remains curious, then there will be no intensity in it. One can move from one curiosity to another — one will become a driftwood — from one wave to another wave, never getting anchored anywhere. Curiosity is good as a beginning, but then one has to become more passionate. One has to make life a quest, not only a curiosity.

Osho

"The illusion of the West that we are individuals and that we have to do things by ourselves and we have to find the solution within ourselves first before we can open up to the spiritual teacher, before we can open up to the elements outside, before we can open up to our partner, is totally the opposite way of how things need to be done. The outside is the inside and the inside is the outside. Everything is One and when you work on changing, you need to change all aspects and all aspects then change you and support you in such a beautiful way, you wonder, when you reach that point, why you have lived, in the past, in a different way. It becomes so obvious what to do."

Tony Samara