Friday, 30 August 2013

Ed è subito sera

Ognuno sta solo sul cuor della terra
trafitto da un raggio di sole:
ed è subito sera

Everyone stands alone at the heart of the world
pierced by a ray of sunlight,
and suddenly it is evening.

Salvatore Quasimodo

Thursday, 29 August 2013

Listening is an art. Listening is to move out of our own way. It is to move out of our ideas, attitudes and preconceived concepts, and to be present for another person as a supporting presence. It is to create the space for another person to be how he is beyond our own ideas and concepts about how the other person should be. It is to listen with both our heart and our total being. It is to see what it means to be 100 % present for the other person.

Swami Dhyan Giten

Life is one blessed thing after another

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Life is like playing hide the key with God. God has hidden the key and now it is up to us to find the key again. It also takes us a while to realize that the key is hidden in our own heart. The heart is the door to allow life to guide us. The heart is the door to say "yes" to life. The heart is the door to surrender to life.
Love is not an exclusive relationship with another person, love is a quality that arises when we are in contact with our inner being, our authentic self, the meditative quality within, the inner silence and emptiness. This inner emptiness is experienced by others and is expressed on the outside as love.
Real love is to realize that we are one with life. Real love means to understand that we are one with the other person, with nature, with the trees, the stones and with the blue sky. It is to realize that all of life is God.

(Giten - The Silent Whisperings of the Heart)

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

We seek it here, we seek it there, we look for love everywhere! We expect it to come to us, usually through another person. All our conditioning says it is something that happens to us. The mythology of our fables, legends and modern day entertainment industries say it is something we 'fall into'. And yet...and yet real love cannot be acquired, possessed or accumulated. It cannot be known when we think it comes from outside ourselves. The ultimate paradox is we are it. We are love.

Wednesday, 21 August 2013

The pearl can be reached only by opening the shell. There is no other way. The same is with our inner riches ...only when we open fully can its light shine through.


Saturday, 17 August 2013

Question : In the Awakening of the Kundalini, in the opening of the passage, Isn’t there an increase in Sexual Power?

Osho : The increase in sexual power and the opening of the kundalini passage are simultaneous – not the same, but simultaneous. The increase in sexual power will be the thrust to open up the higher centers; so sexual power will increase. If you can be aware of it and not use it sexually – if you do not allow it to be released sexually – it will become so intense that the upward movement will begin.First the energy will try its best to be released sexually, because that is its usual outlet, its usual center. So one must first be aware of one’s downward ”doors.” Only awareness will close them; only noncooperation will close them. Sex is not so forceful as we feel it to be. It is forceful only momentarily: it is not a twenty-four-hour affair, it is a momentary challenge.If you can be noncooperative and aware, it goes. And you will feel more happiness than when sexual energy is released from the downward passage. Conservation of energy is always blissful: wastage of energy is only a relief, it is not blissful. You have unburdened yourself; you have alleviated something that was troubling you. Now you have become unburdened, but you have also become emptied.The feeling of emptiness that is overtaking the whole Western mind is just because of sexual wastage. Life seems to be empty. Life is never empty, but it seems to be empty because you have been simply unburdening yourself, just relieving yourself. If something is conserved it becomes a richness: if your upward door is open and energy goes upward, not only do you feel relieved, not only is the straining point relieved, but it is not vacant. In a way it is fulfilled; it is overflowing.The energy has gone upward, but the basic center has not become empty. It is overflowing, and the overflowing energy goes upward, up toward the brahma randhra. Then, near the brahma randhra, there is neither an upward movement nor a downward movement. Now the energy goes to the cosmic: it goes to the all; it goes to the brahman – the ultimate reality. That is why the seventh chakra is known as the brahma randhra – the door to the brahman, the door to the divine.Then there is no ”up” and no ”down.” It will feel like something is penetrating, thrusting upward – and a moment will come when one will feel as though that something is no longer there, that it has gone. Now it is overflowing into the passage. The petals of the sahasrar are just a symbol for the feelings that occur when energy overflows.The overflowing is a flowering, just like a flower itself is an overflowing. You will feel that something has become a flower; the door is open, and it will go outward. It will not be felt inwardly; it will be felt outwardly. Something has opened like a flower, like a flower with a thousand petals. It is just a feeling, but the feeling corresponds to the truth.The feeling is a translation and interpretation. The mind cannot conceive of it, but the feeling is just like a flowering. The closest, the nearest thing that we can say is that it is like a bud opening. It is felt like that. That is why we have conceived of the opening of the sahasrar as a thousand-petaled lotus.So many petals – so many! And they go on opening, they go on opening… the opening is endless. It is a fulfillment; it is a flowering of the human being. Then you become just like a tree, and everything that was in you has flowered. Then all you can do is to offer this flower to the divine. We have been offering flowers, but they are broken flowers. Only this flower can be a real offering.
Question : How does one overcome the pull toward Sex so that the Kundalini Can go upward?

Osho : Energy has been going downward through the sex center continuously for many births, so when any energy is created it will first try to move downward. That is why meditation sometimes will create more sexuality in you than you have ever felt before. You will feel more sexual because you have generated more energy than you previously had.When you have conserved something, the old, habitual passage is ready to release it. The mechanism is ready, the old passage is ready. Your mind only knows one passage – the lower one, the sexual passage – so when you are meditating the first movement of your life energy will be downward. Just be aware of it.Do not struggle with it; just be aware of it. Be aware of the habitual passage, be aware of sexual images; let them come. Be aware of them, but do not do anything about the situation; just be aware of it. The sexual passage cannot operate without your cooperation, but if you cooperate with it even for a single moment, it can start functioning.So do not cooperate with it: just be aware of it. The mechanism of sex is so much a momentary phenomenon that it only functions momentarily; if you do not cooperate at the right moment, it stops. At the right moment your cooperation is needed, otherwise it cannot work. It is only a momentary mechanism, and if you do not cooperate with it, it will stop by itself.Time and time again, energy is created through meditation. It continues to move downward, but now you are aware of it. The old passage is cut – not suppressed. Energy is there and it needs to be released, but the lower door is closed: not suppressed – closed. You have not cooperated with it, that’s all.You have not positively suppressed it, you have only negatively not cooperated with it. You have just been aware of what is happening to your mind, to your body. You are just aware; then energy is conserved. Then the quantity of the energy becomes more and more intense and an upward thrust becomes necessary. Now the energy will go upward; by its very force, a new passage will be thrown open.When energy goes upward you will be more sexually attractive to others, because life energy going upward creates a great magnetic force. You will become more sexually attractive to others, so you will have to be aware of this. Now you will attract persons unknowingly, and the attraction will not only be physical; the attraction will be etheric.Even a repulsive body, a nonattractive body, will become attractive with yoga. The attraction is etheric; and it is so magnetic that one has to be constantly aware of it, constantly aware. You will be attractive… and the opposite sex will be irresistably drawn to you. There are subtle vibrations that are created by your etheric body: you have to be aware of them.The type of attraction that will be felt by the opposite sex will differ – it will take so many different forms – but basically it will be sexual. At its root, it will be sexual. But you can help these people. Even if they are attracted to you sexually, they have become attracted to a sexual energy that is moving upward. And they too are not ordinary sexual beings: upwardmoving sexual energy has become an attraction, a magnet. So you can help them; if you do not become involved, then you can help them.

Forget the past, forget the future, this moment is all.
This moment has to become your prayer, your love, your life, your death, your everything. This is it. And live courageously, don't be cowards. Don't think of consequences; only cowards think of consequences.


Thursday, 15 August 2013

Dive deep into the silence of your own being where thoughts are no more...only the soundless sound  


The gateless gate

The great path has no gates,
Thousands of roads enter it.
When one passes through this gateless gate
He walks freely between heaven and earth.

The Enlightened Man

Shogen asked: `Why does the enlightened man not stand on his feet and explain himself?' And he also said: `It is not necessary for speech to come from the tongue.'
Mumon's Comment: Shogen spoke plainly enough, but how many will understand? If anyone comprehends, he should come to my place and test out my big stick. Why, look here, to test real gold you must see it through fire.

If the feet of enlightenment moved, the great ocean would overflow; If that head bowed, it would look down upon the heavens.
Such a body hsa no place to rest....
Let another continue this poem.

art credit: Bill Brouard

A Basic Lesson in Anatomy

Most days, I am still a human being
Complete with a growing body
A growing mind
And two left feet

Most days, if feels like a good fit
I have learned to use these legs
To take purposeful steps,
Long and leading

Sometimes, I fall flat on my face with flair
For me, to be human is to be clumsy
But it also learning how to make peace

Walking down the street
I count the pairs of eyes that turn to meet mine
And see that they are few and far between
To be human is to be afraid of other humans

And that reality has never sat well in my stomach,
It aches anvils in the bottom of my belly
Bends bright light into muted hues
Happiness is reaching

But my arms are long limbs
And growing all the time

At the ends are these hands;
Meant to hammer or to hold
Being human begs a balance
But the scale tips too often 
And our fingers close to clench

Letting go is never easy
But I have learned that breaking
Never brings resolution

Too many humans have never learned that truth
They don’t see that no one’s temple was built to conquer
Anger is a heavy load that no back was meant to bear
And that an empty hand was made for waving
But when holding a gun, it gains new meaning
And bullets weren’t forged to give good greetings
Our bodies were never built to be bombs.
And they would know that if they listened 
To their own hearts just beating,
More times in a single day than all the hateful words 
I could ever think to say. 

And I admit my own mind wasn’t created 
To comprehend codes or complex mathematics
But I am blessed with an understanding of basic equations:

One ear plus one ear means that I should always be listening
Add 28 teeth, a tongue plus a voice and there is never a reason for me
Not to say how I’m feeling
Two lips plus two lips
Sometimes equals a kiss
And when it doesn’t, 
X amount of sadness plus
Y number of friends means no one ever has to truly be alone

Being human can be beautiful if you don’t let it break you.
Even when it does

Most days I am human 
But there are mornings I wake up 
Feeling like so much less
On the days when my genetics take the turn to depression
And simple mathematics feels too complex to comprehend, 
Even on these days, I can defer 
To the most basic lesson in anatomy;

Our bodies are not accidents
We have been put together perfectly 
To perpetuate existence peacefully as possible

And all the pieces have already fallen into place
All that is left
Is to live.

William Stanford

Saturday, 10 August 2013

Freedom is our basic condition, and until we learn to live with that freedom, and learn to live by ourselves and with ourselves, we are denying ourselves the possibility of finding love and happiness with someone else.

Friday, 9 August 2013

THE BEST KOAN THERE IS IS LOVE, is relationship. That's how it is being used here. A relationship is a puzzle with no clue to it. Howsoever you try to manage it, you will never be able to manage it. Nobody has ever been able to manage it. It is made in such a way that it simply remains puzzling. The more you try to demystify it, the more mysterious it becomes. The more you try to understand it, the more elusive it is.

It is a greater koan than any koan that Zen masters give to their disciples, because their koans are meditative -- one is alone. When I give you the koan of relationship it is far more complicated, because you are two -- differently made, differently conditioned, polar opposites to each other, pulling in different directions, manipulating each other, trying to possess, dominate... there are a thousand and one problems.

While meditating, the only problem is how to be silent, how not to be caught in thoughts. In relationship there are a thousand and one problems. If you are silent, there is a problem. Just sit silently by the side of your wife and you will see -- she will immediately jump upon you: "Why are you silent? What do you mean?" Or speak, and you will be in trouble -- whatsoever you say, you are always misunderstood.

No relationship can ever come to a point where it is not a problem. Or if sometimes you see a relationship coming to a point where it is no more a problem, that simply means it is not a relationship any more. The relationship has disappeared -- the fighters are tired, they have started accepting things as they are. They are bored; they don't want to fight anymore. They have accepted it, they don't want to improve upon it.
Or, in the past, people tried to create a kind of harmony forcibly. That's why, down the ages, women were repressed -- that was one way of sorting things out. Just force the woman to follow the man, then there is no problem. But it is not a relationship either. When the woman is no more an independent person the problem disappears. But the woman has also disappeared. Then she is just a thing to be used; then there is no joy, and the man starts looking for some other woman.

If you ever come across a happy marriage, don't trust it on the surface. Just go a little deeper and you will be surprised. I have heard about one happy marriage...

A hillbilly farmer decided it was time to get married, so he saddled his mule and set off for the city to find a wife. In time, he met a woman and they were married. So they both climbed up on the mule and started back for the farm. After a while, the mule balked and refused to move. The farmer got down, found a big stick, and beat the mule until it again began to move.
"That's once," the farmer said.
A few miles later, the mule balked again, and the entire scene was repeated. After the beating, when the mule was moving again, the farmer said, "That's twice."
A few miles later, the mule balked for a third time. The farmer got down, got his wife down, and then took out a pistol and shot the mule in the eye, killing it instantly.
"That was a stupid thing to do!" the wife shouted. "That was a valuable animal and just because he annoyed you, you killed him! That was stupid, criminal..." and she went on like this for some time. As she stopped for breath, the farmer said, "That's once."

And it is said, after that they lived forever in married happiness!

That is one way of solving things, that's how it has been done in the past. In the future, the reverse is going to be tried -- the husband has to follow the wife. But it is the same thing.

A relationship is a koan. And unless you have solved a more fundamental thing about yourself, you cannot solve it. The problem of love can be solved only when the problem of meditation has been solved, not before it. Because it is really two non-meditative persons who are creating the problem. Two persons who are in confusion, who don't know who they are -- naturally they multiply each other's confusion, they magnify it.
Unless meditation is achieved, love remains a misery. Once you have learnt how to live alone, once you have learnt how to enjoy your simple existence, for no reason at all, then there is a possibility of solving the second, more complicated problem of two persons being together. Only two meditators can live in love -- and then love will not be a koan. But then it will not be a relationship either, in the sense that you understand it. It will be simply a state of love, not a state of relationship.

So, Madhuri, I understand your trouble. But I tell people to go into these troubles because these troubles will make you aware of the fundamental problem, that you, deep inside your being, are a riddle. And the other simply is a mirror. It is difficult to know your own troubles directly, it is very easy to know them in a relationship. A mirror becomes available: you can see your face in the mirror, and the other can see his face in your mirror. And both are angry, because both see ugly faces. And naturally both shout at each other, because their natural logic is, "It is YOU, this mirror, which is making me look so ugly. Otherwise I am such a beautiful person."

That's the problem that lovers go on trying to solve, and cannot solve. What they are saying again and again is this: "I am such a beautiful person, but you make me look so ugly."
Nobody is making you look ugly -- you ARE ugly. Sorry, but that's how it is. Be thankful to the other, be grateful to the other, because he helps you to see your face. Don't be angry.
And go deeper into yourself, go deeper into meditation. But what happens is that whenever a person is in love he forgets all about meditation. I go on looking at you -- whenever I see a few persons missing, I know what has happened to them. Love has happened to them. Now they don't think that they are needed here. They will come only when love creates much trouble and it becomes impossible for them to solve it. Then they will come and ask, "Osho, what to do?"

When you are in love, don't forget meditation. Love is not going to solve anything. Love is only going to show you who you are, where you are. And it is good that love makes you alert -- alert of the whole confusion and the chaos within you. Now is the time to meditate! If love and meditation go together, you will have both the wings, you will have a balance.
And the vice-versa also happens. Whenever a person starts moving deep in meditation, he starts avoiding love, because he thinks if he goes into love his meditation will be disturbed. That too is wrong. Meditation will not be disturbed, meditation will be helped. Why will it be helped? Because love will go on showing you where there are still problems, where they are. Without love, you will become unconscious of your problems. But becoming unconscious does not mean that you have solved them. If there is no mirror, that does not mean that you don't have any face.

Love and meditation should go hand in hand. That is one of the most essential messages that I would like to share with you: Love and meditation should go hand in hand. Love and meditate, meditate and love -- and slowly slowly you will see a new harmony arising in you. Only that harmony will make you contented.


Lost in the jungle

The joy of love is possible only if you have known the joy of being alone, because then only do you have something to share. Otherwise, two beggars meeting each other, clinging to each other, cannot be blissful. They will create misery for each other because each will be hoping, and hoping in vain, that "The other is going to fulfill me." The other is hoping the same. They cannot fulfill each other. They are both blind; they cannot help each other.

I have heard about a hunter who got lost in the jungle. For three days he could not find anybody to ask for the way out, and he was becoming more and more panicky--three days of no food and three days of constant fear of wild animals. For three days he was not able to sleep; he was sitting awake on some tree, afraid he may be attacked. There were snakes, there were lions, there were wild animals.

On the fourth day early in the morning, he saw a man sitting under a tree. You can imagine his joy. He rushed, he hugged the man, and he said, "What joy!" And the other man hugged him, and both were immensely happy. Then they asked each other, "Why are you so ecstatic?"

The first said, "I was lost and I was waiting to meet somebody." And the other said, "I am also lost and I am waiting to meet somebody. But if we are both lost then the ecstasy is just foolish. So now we will be lost together!"

That's what happens: you are lonely, the other is lonely--now you meet. First the honeymoon: that ecstasy that you have met the other, now you will not be lonely anymore. But within three days, or if you are intelligent enough, then within three hours... it depends on how intelligent you are. If you are stupid, then it will take a longer time because one does not learn; otherwise the intelligent person can immediately see after three minutes: "What are we trying to do? It is not going to happen. The other is as lonely as I am. Now we will be living together--two lonelinesses together. Two wounds together cannot help each other to be healed."

We are part of each other--no man is an island. We belong to an invisible but infinite continent. Boundless is our existence. But those experiences happen only to people who are self-actualizing, who are in such tremendous love with themselves that they can close their eyes and be alone and be utterly blissful. That's what meditation is all about.

Meditation means being ecstatic in your aloneness. But when you become ecstatic in your aloneness, soon the ecstasy is so much that you cannot contain it. It starts overflowing you. And when it starts overflowing you it becomes love.

Meditation allows love to happen. And the people who have not known meditation will never know love. They may pretend that they love but they cannot. They will only pretend--because they don't have anything to give, they are not overflowing. Love is a sharing. But before you can share, you have to have it! Meditation should be the first thing.

Meditation is the center, love is the circumference of it. Meditation is the flame, love is the radiation of it. Meditation is the flower, love is the fragrance of it.


Unconditional love and ending relationships

Sometimes when beginning your spiritual journey or even when your well into it, it can become difficult to decipher and understand the seeming two opposite ways of thinking. On one hand you are told to love unconditionally, to always forgive and so on, and then on the other hand, we are told that cutting ties and ending relationships with people that no longer serve the greater good, on your spiritual journey is sometimes, if not usually necessary.

This can seem very contradicting at times, but in my opinion, both views are very true and can be understood in away that both serve the greater good and both can be done simultaneously with love, when necessary. First off, ending a relationship does not have to mean that love or feelings of caring are no longer there, it just means that you have learned and evolved whatever parts of yourself, that were meant to be learned with the help of that relationship, and now it is time for the two of you to spread your wings and fly in different directions, taking with you the lessons learned and memories shared.

Unfortunately, very few relationships end with either partner having this kind of understanding, and even fewer where both do. This is why we see so many husbands, wives, family and friends standing in court together on opposite sides. If we could try to look at things differently an understand "bad things'' happen in all kinds of relationships, and if we could learn to move on from past relationships, by letting go of the pain and sorrow they may have caused you and focus on what lessons they taught you, and what you learned about yourself, even if it was only how much stronger you were than what you thought, there would be alot less pain in this world.

We can learn to be thankful for our experiences, the ''good'' ones and the ''bad'', then move on with forgiveness, strength and being thankful, not only for the experience, but for the person in that relationship with you, and what ever it was they helped you learn about yourself or life. 

They may have crossed you, back stabbed you, or even caused you real pain, you do not have to remain a part of their life, if you have tried countless times to work things out but patterns keep repeating themselves, for your own sake take your lessons learned, give thanks for them, then thank and bless the other person for those opportunities, and move on.

Remember, everything happens for a reason. People come into our lives so we can learn from one another and sometimes the time we spent together, was not as long as we had planned, but when big things end, bigger things are coming !! Love your experiences and those who took part in it, as life is a learning process that couldn't function without those who challenge us, to make necessary changes.

Heather Rulton

I've come to take you with me 
even if I must drag you along
But first I must steal your heart
then settle you in my soul.

I've come as a spring
to lay beside your blossoms
To feel the glory of happiness
and spread your flowers around

I've come to show you off
as the adornment in my house
and elevate you to the heavens
as the prayers of those in love.

I've come to take back
the kiss you once stole
Either return it with grace
or i must take it by force

You're my life
You're my soul
Please be my last prayer
My heart must hold you forever

From the lowly earth
to the high human soul
There are a lot more
than a thousand stages

Since I've taken you along
from town to town
no way will I abandon
you halfway down this road

Though you're in my hands
Though i can throw you around
like a child and a ball
I'll always need to chase after you" 


Aloneness is the only reality. Others are just distracting you from yourself. Don't fall in the trap of love illusion  

Missing someone is really missing yourself.  


When I say I love you...I am saying I love myself  

Loneliness is tough, said the lady I met on the street...I looked at her and lovingly tapped her on her shoulder...she just smiled and said thank you my dear   


Open your heart fully and let the inner fragrance flow in all directions across the Universe. Let the whole world be flooded by your love  


The guest is inside you, and also inside me;
you know the sprout is hidden inside the seed.
We are all struggling; none of us has gone far.
Let your arrogance go, and look around inside.

The blue sky opens out farther and farther,
the daily sense of failure goes away,
the damage I have done to myself fades,
a million suns come forward with light,
when I sit firmly in that world.

I hear bells ringing that no one has shaken,
inside "love" there is more joy than we know of,
rain pours down, although the sky is clear of clouds,
there are whole rivers of light.
The universe is shot through in all parts by a single sort of love.
How hard it is to feel that joy in all our four bodies!

Those who hope to be reasonable about it fail.
The arrogance of reason has separated us from that love.
With the word "reason" you already feel miles away." 

Kabir (The Kabir book: Forty-four of the ecstatic poems of Kabir)

Faith, Waiting in the heart of a seed, Promises a miracle of life which cannot prove at once.


Love is meant to lift you up, not to make you fall down  


Great meditation masters go to meditate in scary places, like on an island in the middle of a big lake or on high mountain cliffs and tie themselves to a rock so that they don’t succumb to illusions. For instance, if someone seems to appear and invites them to come along, they wake up from the illusion by being held back by their meditation belt. Or while meditating in a cave on a rocky mountain slope, there is the illusion that everything around is a grassy field they want to walk on, so they are held back by the belt and thus wake up from the illusion.

What I mean to say here is that ones awareness needs to be stronger, which is how the luminous quality of ones mind is. Signs of meditation are that ones mind is sharp, clear, more intuitive, and intelligent. If one meditates and ones mind is dull and not clear and intelligent, it means ones meditation isn’t working. One becomes sharper, more intelligent, and knows everything in details if ones meditation is going well. One knows everything when ones mind is clear, just like the sun. One sees everything when the sun shines clearly. One doesn’t even see what is nearby in the fog.

You see, the Buddha meditated like that and he knows everything. Buddha is free of all illusions and sees everything clearly, because his mind is clear. Therefore, great meditation masters can see everybody’s mind, because they are clear. A Buddha knows ones previous life – he knows everything. If he wrote down ones entire life, he would have a lot to tell. He is enlightened and has a clear mind.


A relationship can be an empowering and inspiring journey of love. This is especially true if both partners are committed to themselves, each other, the relationship, as well as being willing to share their love with the world. They are more likely to have such a whole and healthy relationship if, at first, they are able to express their own unique qualities and know they can live happy and successful lives without each other.

If you are consciously committed to your relationship, your true intention will be to contribute to its growth. And if you are truly devoted to having your relationship work, you will also “rise in love.” Of course, once you’ve chosen your relationship consciously, it would be wise to not only practice rising in love, but also to continue to rise in love.

What does rising in love entail? And what does it actually mean to rise in love? Well, one thing I can tell you for sure is, that it doesn’t mean “falling in love.” Nor, does it seem to correlate very well with the phrase, “madly in love.” In fact, many of the expressions that people use to describe their feelings of love are not especially enlightened ones. Perhaps, you are familiar with some of these common sayings: “I’m crazy about him!” “I’m nuts about her!” “I’m smitten,” “My goose is cooked,” “I’m so in love; I’m falling head over heels for him”... Let’s face it, do any of these statements imply that one is involved in a healthy loving relationship?... It doesn’t sound like it, does it!?

“Falling in love” is a desperate yearning for attention which seems to convey a message to one’s partner that, “I’m falling! Catch me! Save me!” It’s a sense of hopelessly longing for someone who can fill the empty void you are likely experiencing in your life. It can also be a desire to turn your partner into a parental substitute who can take care of you.

Falling in love usually involves possessiveness, compromise, need and obligation. However, when you fall in love and idealize your partner, there is also a tendency to be blind in these circumstances. A relationship based on need, fear of loss or co-dependency reflects a false sense of security. Such conditions do not foster healthy growth in a relationship. If you depend on your partner for happiness, you are inferring that the source of love is outside of yourself. Couples who fall in love in this way, enter what the Course In Miracles refers to as a “special relationship.” Such “special relationships” are based on separation and, of course, are often co-dependent in nature.

Yet, by practicing self-love and raising your self-esteem, a couple can become more self-reliant. Two equally self-sufficient partners, who can freely give and receive unconditional love can enter a “holy relationship” and “rise in love” together. By elevating themselves in this way, a couple will discover that it is much easier to mutually support each other. And it is through this interdependence that the relationship will thrive and continue to grow.

Let go of your fear of loss and the need to possess love. Instead, practice rising in love by expressing yourself in the free spirit of love. Also, give up your need to feel secure about the future and practice being carefree in the moment. For, rising in love is living in the now, appreciating ourselves and each other, and sharing equally in the relationship.

Whereas falling in love is romantic desperation, rising in love is romantic inspiration. Rising in love is empowering, yet not controlling. It is opening up and surrendering to higher levels of love and intimacy in your relationship. Rising in love offers mutual support, a common vision and a freedom to grow together. It is the ultimate in commitment because it offers you the choice to participate instead of feeling impelled to do so.

Couples who rise in love seldom get hooked on the “happy-ever after” myth. So please don’t take your relationship for granted and assume that everything will always be cheery, regardless of your input. Even after you’ve discovered each other, it is important to continue to grow by cultivating the wonderful seeds of love you’ve sown together. Therefore, devote yourselves and your relationship to its ever-evolving personal growth process. The time, consideration and occasional effort you invest in your relationship will certainly prove worthwhile, and, more than likely, also insure its continued success.

Many couples believe that, because they love each other, they don’t need anyone else in their lives. Not only do they insist on their mate always being exclusively available to them, but they often shut out the rest of the world from being a part of their relationship. Sometimes, they even stop seeing their best friends and doing their favorite things.

If this is your tendency, remove the walls that separate you from the rest of the world. Drop your defenses and remove all barriers! You do not have to become insular simply because you’ve bonded intimately as a couple. You can have a great intimate loving relationship with your mate and also maintain wonderful supportive friendships and exciting outside interests with the community at large. In fact, your hobbies and other involvements, providing they are conscious and not manipulative in nature, can be a very stimulating presence in your relationship. Besides, no matter how inspiring your relationship may be, it is vital that each partner has the space to freely express their own uniqueness.

Another important aspect of rising in love is being conscious about not putting your mate up on such a pedestal that you deny the truth or neglect other parts of your life. For instance, if you worship your mate so much that you go into denial about their weaknesses, you are probably protecting them from receiving the kind of productive feedback that could most benefit them. When you idealize your mate like this, you tend to view them as the source of love and make them more important than God.

God is the ultimate source of love. So base your relationship on your faith in God. Doing so will open you up to unlimited love. And this pervasive love will elevate both of you to newer and higher levels of “having it all” in your relationship. As the Course In Miracles says, “Your will and God’s will are the same.” So know that love for your mate and love for God can coexist. When you surrender to God’s love, it’s easier to surrender to the love in your relationship and as you surrender to the spiritual bonding nature of love in your relationship, you will also enter into a holy relationship with the world around you.

So surrender to God. Surrender into the love. Accept love. Trust in the love. Feel love. Be in love. Look for the love. Practice being love. Embody love. Radiate love. And as you rise in love, envision what you want to create together for your relationship. For, in focusing on your vision until it becomes a reality, you will keep the dream alive and elevate yourselves to another level.

Manny Stamatakis, relationships enrichment counselor and certified breath coach

For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.

Carl Sagan