Tuesday, 29 January 2013

REJECTION BRINGS THE POSSIBILITY OF ACCEPTANCE

If fear is felt, then love is the problem -- become more loving. TAKE FEW STEPS TOWARDS THE OTHER -- BECAUSE EVERYBODY IS IN FEAR, not only you.

You want somebody should come to you and love you. YOU CAN WAIT FOREVER BECAUSE THE OTHER IS ALSO AFRAID. And people who are afraid they become afraid of one thing absolutely, and that is the fear of being rejected. IF I GO AND KNOCK AT YOUR DOOR, THE POSSIBILITY IS YOU MAY REJECT. That rejection will become a wound, so it is better not to go. It is better to remain alone. It is better to move on your own, not to get involved with the other -- because the other can reject.

The moment you approach and take initiative towards love, the first fear comes whether the other will accept you or reject. The possibility is there he may reject, or she may reject. THAT'S WHY WOMEN NEVER TAKE A STEP, THEY ARE MORE FEARFUL. They always wait for the man -- he should come. They always keep the possibility of rejecting or accepting with themselves. They never give the possibility to the other -- because they are more afraid than men.

THEN MANY WOMEN SIMPLY WAIT FOR THEIR WHOLE LIFE. Nobody comes to knock at their door -- because a person who is afraid becomes, in a certain way, so closed that he puts people off. Just reaching nearer, and the afraid person throws such vibrations all around that anybody who is coming closer is put off. The fearful person starts moving; even in the movements...

You talk to a woman -- if you are in a certain way feeling love and affection for her, you would like to be closer and closer. YOU WOULD LIKE TO STAND CLOSER AND TALK. But see the body, because BODY HAS ITS OWN LANGUAGE: the woman will be leaning backwards, not knowingly, or she may simply back off. You are closing, you are coming closer and she is backing off. Or if there is no possibility, there is a wall, she will lean against the wall. Not leaning forward, she is showing, "Go away." She is saying, "Don't come near me."

People sitting, people walking -- you watch: THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO SIMPLY PUT OFF ANYBODY; anybody who comes closer, they become afraid. And fear is energy just like love, a negative energy. A man who is feeling love bubbles up with a positive energy. When you come closer, as if a magnet is attracting you -- you would like to be with this person.

If fear is your problem, then think about your personality, watch it. You must have closed your doors for love, that's all. OPEN THOSE DOORS!

OF COURSE THERE IS THE POSSIBILITY OF BEING REJECTED. But why be afraid? The other can only say no. FIFTY PERCENT POSSIBILITY OF NO IS THERE, but just because of fifty percent possibility of no, you choose a hundred percent life of no love.

The possibility is there, but why worry? There are so many people. IF ONE SAYS NO, DON'T TAKE IT AS A HURT, don't take it as a wound. Simply take it -- it didn't happen. Simply take it -- the other person didn't feel like moving with you. YOU DIDN'T SUIT TO EACH OTHER. You are different types. HE HAS OR SHE HAS NOT SAID NO TO YOU REALLY; IT IS NOT PERSONAL. You didn't fit; move ahead!

AND IT IS GOOD BECAUSE THE PERSON HAS SAID NO, because if you don't fit with a person and the person says yes, then you will be in real trouble. You don't know: the other has saved you a whole life of trouble! Thank him or her and move ahead -- because ALL CANNOT SUIT TO ALL.

Every individual is so unique that, in fact, IT IS SO DIFFICULT TO FIND THE RIGHT PERSON TO FIT WITH YOU. In a better world, sometime in the future, people will have more movability, so people can go and find the right woman and the right man for themselves.

Don't be afraid of making errors, because if you are afraid of making errors you will not move at all, and you will miss the whole life. IT IS BETTER TO ERR THAN NOT TO DO. It is better to be rejected than simply remaining with yourself, afraid, and not taking any initiative -- BECAUSE THE REJECTION BRINGS THE POSSIBILITY OF ACCEPTANCE; it is the other side of acceptance.

IF SOMEBODY REJECTS, SOMEBODY WILL ACCEPT -- ONE HAS TO GO ON MOVING AND FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON. When right persons meet, something clicks. They are made for each other. They fit together.

Not that there will not be conflicts, not that there will not be moments of anger and fight, no. IF LOVE IS ALIVE, THERE WILL BE CONFLICT ALSO. Sometimes there will be moments of anger also. That simply shows that love is an alive phenomenon. Sometimes sadness... because wherever happiness exists, sadness is bound to be there.

ONLY IN A MARRIAGE THERE IS NO SADNESS, BECAUSE THERE IS NO HAPPINESS. One simply tolerates. It is an arrangement, it is a managed phenomenon.

When you really move into life, then anger is also there. But when you love a person, you accept the anger. When you love a person, you accept his or her sadness also. Sometimes you go away just to come closer again. In fact, there is a deep mechanism: LOVERS FIGHT TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN AND AGAIN, so they can have small honeymoons again and again and again.

DON'T BE AFRAID OF LOVE. There is only one thing one should be afraid of, and that is fear. Be afraid of fear and never be afraid of anything else, because FEAR CRIPPLES. It is poisonous, it is suicidal. Move! Jump out of it! Do whatsoever you would like, but don't get settled with the fear because that is a negative situation....

So please don't get obsessed with fear. JUST JUMP OUT OF IT AND TAKE A MOVE TOWARDS LOVE. And don't wait because nobody is interested in you; if you are waiting, you can go on waiting.

This is my observation: YOU CANNOT BYPASS LOVE, OTHERWISE, YOU WILL BE COMMITTING SUICIDE. But the love can bypass you if you are simply waiting. Move!

LOVE SHOULD BE A PASSION: IT SHOULD BE PASSIONATE, ALIVE, VITAL. Only then you attract somebody to fall towards you. Dead, who bothers with you? Dead, people would like to get rid of you. Dead, you become a boring phenomenon, a boredom. All around you, you carry such dirt of boredom, that anybody who comes across you will feel that it is a misfortune.

BE LOVING, VITAL, UNAFRAID... AND MOVE! Life has much to give to you if you are unafraid. And love has to give you more than life can give -- because love is the very center of this life, and from that very center you can pass to the other shore.

OSHO

Yoga, The Alpha & The Omega



6 comments:

  1. I love you Osho . Thank you so much. This is a great insight.

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  2. This text is the reason I am with my current (and first) girlfriend of 3 years. And what allowed me to open up my walls and let love in. But as Osho said, it just took a little courage on my part. It was scary, but the risk was worth it, a million times over.

    And vulnerability is still tough for me. 3 years later and I have met a new woman, not that I am interested in being lovers, at least not at this point, but there is a feeling of love, attraction, and warmth between us. I'm not saying that, at this point, I would like to get involved. But I also don't want to run from her. I want to allow that love to flow, without asking anything of her.

    Today, after having an amazing night together last week, when I saw her in our usual place, a class that we share, I felt distant from her... I have just realized that it is my fear keeping me from her! And as Osho says, I can't expect her to make the move. That much has always been my experience, including with her, and also with my girlfriend. I have to make that move! I worry about looking silly, or doing something "wrong". But as Osho says, "it is better to err than to do nothing". Ah!

    The warmth I allow myself to feel with this new woman is the same warmth I allow myself to feel with my girlfriend. Different forms, perhaps. Maybe one becomes a loving, warm friendship, without ever becoming physical. And the other is the same, but also physical. Who can say? I don't worry so much about the form. I am in a monogamous relationship with my girlfriend, but I neither consider myself monogamist nor polygamist. I simply am what I am. For now, we have made a commitment. Tomorrow, who knows? I simply allow love to flow, and the rest takes care of itself.

    My major points being: my experience has shown me that Osho is spot-on here. And also that, this is not a one-and-done. We must constantly be aware of the barriers we place towards love, and as Osho says - jump out of them.

    I am a work in progress, but, I have jumped before, and I will jump again.

    Thank you.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for sharing your experience! That was a good reminder for myself...to jump out of the barriers I have recently placed towards love.

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    2. Thank you, Sandra. I jumped with this new woman, in fact I jumped all the way, and expressed my physical as well as emotional feelings for her. I jumped with my girlfriend, too, by being honest about what I was doing and how I was feeling. The new girl seemed to be receptive, at first, and I thought her mild escaping was part of the feminine game of wanting to be chased (in the end, she never escaped totally, and we ended up spending time together two days in a row). I tried kissing her, and she told me that she did not feel that way about me. Still, I felt her actions were telling me something different. Maybe something like, yes, but not now. Or, I'm not totally sure right now. Finally, we had a little "fight" due to my frustration with her not corresponding my feelings. She told me point blank that she does not have sexual or loving feelings towards me... ouch! But as Osho says, "Don't make a wound out of it!" I am still processing this, however.

      As Osho said on another occasion, "a woman's no always seems to indicate the possibility of yes". At this point I was very, very honest with her about my feelings towards her, that they are quite sexual, but also loving and friendly. And I was honest about why she had attracted me in the first place. But I also let her know that, while I continue to feel the same way, I love and respect her as a friend and I will not force anything. She responded saying she admires my honesty and such, but never quite finished her statement (it was via phone), and I haven't heard from her since... I am going on a trip for 1 week, which she knows, so it will be difficult to speak with her. Since she has ignored me these past couple of days I have decided not to push the issue, even though it stings. Let's see what happens after my trip.

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    3. She has a boyfriend, in an exclusive relationship. I know that, but this last week I truly began to understand Osho's teaching that the security of a monogamous relationship is a BARRIER. If monogamy is what happens naturally, wonderful, and it is impossible to go deep with many partners. But if love flowers in another place, and the contract of monogamy gets in the way, then it becomes a problem. So I took a leap and dropped my contract with my girlfriend, although I have not left her yet. I do not feel guilty over this... as Osho says, "love demands that we give up what we don't have in order to gain what we have always had". I am asking my girlfriend to give up an illusion, to become more and more surrendered. And I am asking the same of this new woman. I may shatter her conception of the world, but I would only be shattering a dream. If she will allow me, I will fight for her, even if it means pain... I am offering her the entire Universe.

      So I am asking a lot, I suppose. Maybe that's the hesitation. It must be. If not, this woman would never have agreed to move with me in the first place... even after I attempted to kiss her, she still made plans to spend time with me! There must be something to it. But, I think she needs time.

      It is difficult for me to wait, but if love is not patient, it is not love. I will continue to be patient, and continue to shower my love upon her, even from a distance if need be. I'm not totally sure what's going to happen with this new woman. First and foremost, I will demand nothing of her. But as long as I feel that, in some sense, she is open to my message... I will remain open to her. I am simply the vehicle for her to grow. Let's see what happens.

      My girlfriend, for now, has accepted my decision to break our contract. But she makes no promises. And that's OK. I would hate terribly to lose her, and the mere thought of it a couple of weeks ago brought me to intense grief. But I prefer to face the grief if that is where life is taking me, to sticking around with her in the name of security.

      As I mature and grow, I begin to understand more and more Osho's message. His whole message is surrender, and to be natural. Yet we place so many barriers on these things! I will continue to destroy these barriers, to jump out of them, and to become more and more in tune with life, with love, with God. Even if the whole world is against me.

      Thank you for responding Sandra. The deeper I go into this, the more I find the truth in Jesus's words "God is love". Or, as Osho said, "Love is God."

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  3. It has left me quite confused. Maybe she doesn't want to give me false hope or something. Maybe she too needs time to process everything that happened these last 2 weeks. Maybe she's waiting to see if I am truly able to wait and be patient with her, whether that be as a friend or something more. Maybe the whole thing got too real and either she wants no part in it, or maybe she needs time. I don't know.

    I am just confused because what I felt and how I behaved with her was very, very deep. I feel that, in a way, she is being honest with me... I believe that on a surface level she has no feelings for me. But, on the other hand, I feel she is not even being honest with herself. There were a few times where her face and even whole body lit up when she saw me walk into our class... those looks did not go unnoticed by me. Maybe I don't fit the profile of the guy she typically goes for, maybe I'm a bit too young, not the most handsome or the toughest, I don't know... I feel I do not fit into her ego's image of what love is supposed to look like. I feel she is afraid to admit that love is not something that you can explain like that... as she told me, she is a very rational person. I, a lover of Osho, am just the opposite!

    Why, then, would she be closed off to it? After our little "fight" the other day, I realized I had made a big mistake by making demands out of her. Why had I made that mistake? Fear! Things had gotten too real, too quickly... I was opening up in ways that I haven't in years (thanks to the methods in this passage!). And that's scary! I was being flooded with emotions: a lot of good, but even a lot of bad. I was rushing headlong into the unknown! And I think my being said, "stop, not so fast, you will get hurt!" In a deep sort of mechanism I went and screwed things up, out of fear.

    I realized that, and I cried and I cried and had a deep moment of healing and self-acceptance... not the first one, and hopefully not the last. I feel she may be hesitant to enter into this with me... because this hurts. It's scary. I am going for it, because I know, as Osho knows, that God is love. But maybe she isn't ready; not ready to move with me.

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